The Torture of the Cage
by xxxCastielsWingBonerxxx
Summary: When Michael, Lucifer, Adam, and Sam are all stuck in the cage, they get tortured in a brutal way. AU fic. Not to be taken seriously. Rated T for horror and swearing.


Sam opened his eyes, the world was dark around him. Really dark. Like the closet he was concieved in. He tried to move around, but the space where he was was too small! What the fuck, you ask, why the fuck is it too small?

BECAUSE IT'S THE FUN BOX, OH FUN BOX, SMALL AND SQUARE AND DARK! FUN BOX, OH FUN BOX, IT'S GOT SOME COOL FUN LOCKS!

Anyway so Sam is all confused. "What the hell!?" says Sam. Suddenly another voice came from another fun box!

"What!? Someone else is in here!" It was one of those angel fuckers. Not as in he fucks angels I mean he is an angel. "Get me out of here, this box is ANGEL PROOF!"

"Well if it's angel proof don't you think it's human proof too, jackass!?"

The angel fucker stopped and thought. He had not considered that possiblity.

"Well maybe it's not Lucifer proof, BITCHEEESSS!" shouted Lucifer, as he THREW himself at the fun box. This was followed by a soft groan and sobbing.

"Fucking A Lucifer, there's no time for you to be dicking around! We need to get out of here!" shouted the mystery angel fucker. Suddenly, all the fun boxes got levitated by mystery demon powers out to the TORTURE ROOM OF TORTURE!

Michael, Sam, Lucifer, and Adam all got spilled out onto the ground, and before they could go anywhere, they got tied to a bunch of bamboo sticks. Now I have no idea why there's bamboo sticks in hell, just roll with it.

"W-What are you going to do!?" Sam asked the MUSCULAR MEN before him. They were pretty hot and he was trying not to get a boner.

The muscular men held up a can... of LIMA BEANS! Everyone SCREAMED!

"NOT THE LIMA BEANS! NOT THE LIMA BEANS!" Lucifer shrieked like mad.

"MY FATHER WHO ART IN HEAVEN-" Michael's prayer was cut off by him getting a mouth full of LIMA BEANS! The other prisoners shrieked in terror as a single dramatic tear rolled down Michael's face, and he... swallowed the lima beans.

Sam struggled against his restraints depserately, as the muscular men shoved a mouth full of lima beans into Lucifer's mouth next. Adam said nothing, and just quietly accepted his fate.

"Bring on your lima beans, you sons of goats!" Lucifer hollered. The muscular men nodded at each other... before reversing in a WHOLE TRUCK of nothing but lima beans. Lucifer's pupils shrank.

"G-Guys, let's be realistic here, you can't make me eat all those lima beans!" The two torture technicians broke out the funnel, crammed it into Lucifer's mouth, and then started filling him with lima beans. Sam grimaced and looked away from the brutality.

"C-C'mon damn it! Where's Dean when I need him!?" Sam said aloud. Meanwhile Michael was sobbing hysterically, urinating uncontrollably, and reciting the Lord's Prayer out of desperation, as the brutes continued shoveling lima beans into his mouth. Lucifer's stomach was buldging horrifically, as it was filling to the very brim with lima beans. Adam was just quietly munching on them, he doesn't mind lima beans.

The big brutes turned to Sam and were about to shove the beans down his throat, when one of them tripped on his erection, spilling the beans all over the floor. They just broke out the ICE CREAM SCOOP and shoved that, full of lima beans, into Sam's mouth. Once it was out, Sam proceeded to dry heave all over himself. Gross.

Meanwhile Adam was not at all phased by the urination, the sobbing, the body horror, or Sam's throw up. In fact he was taking this unreasonably well. The muscular brutes, confused by this, untied him. "A-Adam! Help us!" Sam shrieked.

Adam turned to Sam and boldly murmured. "This is for leaving me in the fucking fun box." And then he floated vertically up through the ceiling, and he left the cage.

"FUCK YOU ADAM MILLIGAN!" Sam screamed, as more lima beans were shoved in his mouth.

By now Lucifer was looking more like a lumpy blob than a person. Lima beans had entered his blood stream, his muscles, his skeleton, probably even his very SOUL. He let out some desperate muffled pleas for them to take the funnel out, even offering them advice on how to give the best hand jobs, but it didn't work. They kept pumping him with lima beans.

"A-Are you going to do that to us!?" Sam managed to say, his mouth stuffed full of lima beans. Honestly he wanted to keep his good looking moose body. He didn't want to become whatever the fuck Lucifer was now. The muscular men finally spoke;

"Not if you do as you are instructed." They said.

"What do you want us to do!?" Sam exclaimed.

"You need to funnel each other." OH SNAP. Sam just looked repulse while Michael finally stopped crying and pissing on himself.

"I'll do it!" "What!? Michael, you fucking douchebag!" "Sam, I just want out of this motherfucking cage." He grabbed a funnel.

Well, Sam wasn't gonna take this sitting down, no siree bob. He started kicking his legs and trying to rip apart his rope bindings like Hulk Hogan going to town on a promotional shirt display, but it wasn't working. Fuck, he was gonna become whatever Lucifer was (he looked like a malformed water balloon by this point) and Dean was gonna be like, "Sammy, what the fuck have you done to yourself?"

Then suddenly, he managed to headbutt Michael, right in his dumb angel head! Michael stumbled back, and the funnel fell in his mouth right as the second lima bean truck backed in, and then HE started getting pumped full of lima beans! He went right back to screaming and peeing and reciting the Lord's Prayer as he became full of lima bean pregnancy.

"Suck on that, you fucking douche!" Sam yelled. But the muscular men suddenly double crossed him and shoved a funnel in his mouth!

"What the fu-" Suddenly lima beans got pumped into his mouth like a high velocity machine gun. Of lima beans. His beautiful moosey body was NOT gonna become victim to these healthy beans, so he just FLEXED HIS MUSCLES and broke the ropes and got the funnel out!

"Why the fuck didn't I do that before!?" Sam yelled to himself. Oh, no matter. He ran over to Lucifer (now he can't even see his face) and got the funnel out of his mouth. "Lucifer, we're breaking out!"

He hopped on top of the-thing-formerly-known-as-Lucifer and squeezed him, and he started erupting lima beans like a high velocity lima bean volcano. That gave Sam enough of a boost to jump himself out of the cage, leaving Lucifer to spew lima beans and Michael to cry and pee. He got out and went looking for Dean, who was presumably humping his Impala again.

"Sammy!" Dean stared at Sam's bloated stomach, from the lima beans that had managed to get in his system. "Uhh..."

"Not a fucking word Dean. You don't wanna know the things I've seen. THE THINGS I'VE DONE." His eye twitched. Dean just gave him an 'oh, you' look before shoving him in his Impala and driving away at high speed.

Sam threw up all the beans on the back seat. Dean never forgave him.

The end.


End file.
